I spent this afternoon working on my business, before going into my day job. And had an amazing afternoon. First, I spent some time teaching a voice lesson to an awesome 7-year old. Then I delivered some product, after which I deposited the very nice check. Last, I shared my business information with a new friend who immediately signed up for the business. I was all smiles going into work.
And then the ick happened.
My boss, with whom I normally get along very well, asked how I was doing today. I replied, “I’m doing great, I’m having an amazing day!” He nodded and asked me to close the door, as he needed to talk to me. He didn’t yell, because, well, he doesn’t yell. But the effect was the same. I was furious, and I was miserable. He icked on my wow. And for a while, I let him.
While on a break, I called my wonderful Sales Director, to get my woohoo back. All she had to say was “Focus on the amazing, not on the negative,” and I was back in the game. And I realized, this is the emotional management thing I’ve been struggling with. This is self-care, and this is sanity.
I can not control how others treat me. However, I can absolutely control how I react to it. I just need to keep a couple things in mind:
1. Consider the source. (Thank you, Dad, for drumming this one into my head!) When naysayers, party poopers, and parade rainers are spreading their doom and gloom, stop and think about whether they are people whose thoughts and opinions truly matter to you. “But Kriss,” you might say, “It’s my mother / priest / lawyer / best friend / spouse icking on me!” Well, you can always get a new priest, lawyer, best friend, or spouse, and nobody says you have to talk to your mama. You could also chose to stop sharing your wow, so they’ll stop the ick.
You can also do what Mary Kay Ash did when starting her skin care and cosmetics company: Listen to their advice, and forge ahead anyway. Her lawyer and accountant both told her that her company would never take off, she would be destitute in months, to take her money out and run. Mary Kay, Inc. has been in business for over 54 years, and is in more than 35 nations around the world. I wish I could find that lawyer and that accountant, just so I could put my thumb on the tip of my nose, stick out my tongue, and waggle my fingers at them. (I’m very occasionally the Petty Powerhouse.)
2. Don’t let the bastards get you down. (Thank you, Granddaddy, for these words of wisdom!) When you can’t avoid the ick, rise above it. One affirmation that has helped me float above the muck is this: “I will let NOBODY push my buttons! I will let NOBODY rain on my parade. I will go over, I will go under, and I will go through ANY obstacle that comes my way… because I am HIGHLY motivated, TRULY dedicated, and EXTREMELY successful…..YES!!!” (Thank you Darlene Walker for sharing this affirmation!) As hard as it feels, and believe me, I know how hard it feels, you can choose your feelings. Maybe not your biological mood – I have bipolar disorder, so I know. But how you act on that mood, how you act on the input your body and other people are giving you, that’s absolutely in your control. (Take a look at I’m Great for more on choosing your mood.)
3. When all else fails, get your self-care on. What makes you feel better after a bad day? Do that, right now, before the ick gets all over your whole day. Make it a minor league ick instead of a FULL FLEDGED ICKING. Me, I love to sing. I’ll put on Spotify and sing along at full volume, where I’ve got playlists designed to make me feel better. Or I’ll work on one of my many arts and crafts projects; right now I have three quilts in progress and am on the hunt for the perfect book to turn into flowers for a friend’s wedding. Anything that you KNOW will lift your mood, go do it as soon as you can after you get icked on. If you don’t know what lifts your mood, do something creative with your hands. Anything that makes you focus and has a tangible output.
Eleanor Roosevelt told us decades ago that “Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.” I’d bet she knew all about emotional management, not to mention self-care, self-esteem, and sanity.
No more letting people ick on my wow. It’s MY wow, damn it, and I’m keeping it. Can’t be a Positivity Powerhouse otherwise!
This post originally appeared on krissjudd.wordpress.com, on August 6, 2010, and has been updated for publication here.